You Are Your Own Best Thing

When I was 17, like many others, I was in a pretty shitty place physically, mentally, and spiritually. I wasn't taking care of my body and my relationships with the people who loved me, and I hadn't been for some time. My physical health deteriorated to a state of urgency as a result of my poor eating habits, restrictions, and binging since I was 14 or 15. My mind and emotional state followed suit and quickly I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression. Whether I believed in this diagnosis or not at the time I knew that I needed help and couldn't keep living the way I had been.

Luckily I had a very supportive family who was able to get me into a residential treatment center specializing in eating disorders despite my anger, reluctance, and resentment towards them for doing so. In treatment I hit rock bottom, felt sadder and more alone than I ever have, met wonderful people, and got my shit together. Although I had initially refused to accept help, I quickly realized how desperately I needed it and how badly I wanted to get better and back to being and feeling alive.

I was in treatment for a month and learned so much about myself, mental illness, community, and healing. I still remember the day that I was released so clearly. I was riding home in the car with my brother and my dad and felt so full of bubbles, of life, of air, and excitement. I couldn't believe that this is what I had been missing out on, that people were capable of feeling like this and not just the discomfort, sadness, and ache I was so familiar with. I finally felt like I could breathe, love the people around me and myself, and have found so much joy in taking care of my spirit and body ever since.

Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, healthy, and loved, and sometimes getting help or admitting you need it is the first and hardest step. Once you come to a place of honesty with yourself and others the healing can begin - and it never really ends. Remember that you are loved, that your body is a vessel for all your light and love, and that You Are Your Own Best Thing.