Taking a Step Back from College
COVID- 19 had ended and I was going back to college for sophomore year. I had struggled with finding medications to stabilize my bipolar disorder through quarentine but thought I was stable enough to go back. I went back for work week of sorority recruitment aka rush. Once the craziness of that was over I began to decline. I was having debilitating anxiety and I was slowly forgetting everything. I kept trying to call my psychiatrists office and the phone would only beep like the number and the office never existed. They never returned my calls and I never heard from them again.
I was trying my best to be okay, go to my classes, hang out with my friends but it was getting harder and harder. I begun to not recognize myself. When I looked in the mirror, it was like seeing someone I had never met. My friend came to visit me for the weekend who I hadn’t seen since I had left for college. As soon as he stepped out of his car I was terrified; I didn’t recognize him at all. It was like I was with a complete stranger who I didn’t know. I thought it was maybe just because I hadn’t seen him so he stayed in Norman for the night. But I just got more and more scared and uncomfortable that I was with a stranger. I made him leave the next day and immediately called the OU psychiatrist office saying I needed an emergency appointment. I zoomed the psychiatrist the next morning who diagnosed me with bipolar again and put me on a different medication. After the appointment I packed up all my things, went to the pharmacy, got the pills and drove home to Texas. When I got there I didn’t recognize my parents or my dog and I couldn’t remember my relationship to them or my house. I also couldn’t remember any of quarantine or the past year in general. I didn’t know who I was and I couldn’t be alone.
Because all of my classes were online I was able to stay home to figure out what was happening. I was missing out on the first few weeks of being back at school after not seeing everyone for months. I missed bid day and a lot of other sorority events as well as just things with my friends. I ended staying home for about three weeks. The new medicine had been in my body for a while and I was able to recognize myself again. I went back to school and was able to stay for almost the whole semester.
At Thanksgiving break I came home and I felt bad again. I was severely depressed and felt like I shouldn’t go back to school in-between Thanksgiving and Christmas break. It was difficult to miss all the Christmas parties and friendsgivings but I felt it was best to stay home.
Coming home from college because of my mental health was crucial in helping me get back to a place of stability. I missed out on things but staying would have just continued to make things worse. For me it’s important to recognize when I need to take a step back and make sure that I am okay and stable instead of pushing forward and ignoring the signs that I am not balanced.